October 2017

Dear Dad,

Today I am sad. On a day that I should be thankful and happy, the emotion I feel most is sadness. I feel sad because all these incredible things are happening in my life and although you physically are here to see them, you aren’t really here at all.

I know that the person you are now is not the same person I grew up with. I also know that you would be so proud of me and the person I am becoming. I never knew that it was possible to miss someone who is right in front of you, until now. I miss you Dad.

As I get older I am afraid that the memories of who you were and who I want to remember you as are going to be replaced with those of you now. I never want to look back and regret not spending time with you while I still have it. As this disease progresses, I find it more and more difficult to spend time with you and to see you like this. I am grieving who you once were, while trying to accept who you are now. It breaks my heart that I can not share everything that is happening in my life with you. The hardest part is that you are the person who I want most to ask how to handle this situation.

This disease is only going to get worse, which is a reminder to live each day to the absolute fullest.

I want you to know that I miss you Dad. I miss the person who would have been my guide and my cheerleader through all of this. I want to tell you that regardless of the person you are today, I will never stop making you proud.